I’ve always had good friends - fun to be around, nice people. But true friends… I can count on one hand. I’ve always had a lot of friends but never been in a group. Always just been friends with a few people. It’s hard to feel included this way when I only get invited to big things like parties or dinners; otherwise I’m only hangin with that one friend in the group. I’ve never told people my problems; been too proud to admit that I don’t lead always lead a perfect, happy life. And i think my friends have gotten so used to this that they’ve stopped asking if theres something wrong. Maybe they just think there never is. But when I do try to talk about it, they don’t exactly come off like its an issue to them. They blow it off or change the subject. Maybe I’m a little rusty at letting people know I’d like to talk about.. feelings. Or maybe they’re just so used to me not saying anything that they don’t recognize my stumble of an attempt.
But do I have to break down crying to depict that sometimes I am sad? Life is good but I have demons too.
I’m okay with not being in a group.. its nice to have friends of all kinds. But sometimes I feel like everyone else is in one and I have to be in one for people to notice the few, few times I actually want my other-than-happy feelings.
Three nights ago I told my boyfriend everything. He still looks at me the same beautiful way after knowing I’ve lied and omitted lots about my past -… maybe thats a story for another time. Haven’t exactly lived the same sheltered life he has. And I guess this is my point. I want to thank my boyfriend for being my one true friend - always caring, asking, helping. But he’s not just that - he’s the family I don’t have. I’m so thankful for the wonderful people he calls his family.. and I’m thankful to call them mine too. Without them I would have no true family other than my nearly angelic parents.
Just needed to vent or thank or something.
I need to start writing again.